Interesting Person of the Day

Redneck (Wannabe Sheriff)

A man called me with quite the country accent.  He told me he had initially planned on taking his TSS near where he lives but discovered there were additional fees (which the form tells you when you sign up).  So he wanted to take his TSS back in my county instead.  I told him that since it had been more than 45 days since we sent his first letter he would have to pay $25 to take it back in my county.

Email to David Thorne #6

Dear Thorn Bush,

Ouch…I pricked myself on your name.  It’s ok, I forgive you.  I know you would never do anything intentionally to harm me the greatest person in your life.  And if you did do anything intentionally to harm me that it would be for a reason you would eventually reveal to me.  Most likely a series of events would sprout from this which you have already foreseen the consequences of, what with your ability to travel through time.  I myself find time traveling overrated as you can imagine from one of my earlier emails.

Interesting Person of the Day

As you may or may not know I work for a Traffic Safety School (TSS) for the county I live in.  I decided after the woman I spoke with today that their stories deserve to be told...in only the way I can.  So without further adieu the first of many:

Blind Woman Driving

Email to David Thorne #5

Dear Mr. Thorney,

Hello buddy!  Just your ever humble messenger of “The Word(s) of David”.  That is what I have titled the new cult following I brought about for you.  I know I am super fantastic!  The Word(s) of David or TW(s)D for short has an astounding 5 followers at the moment.  They include, me, myself, I, my cat, and the hobo that rummages through my garbage each week.  It involves reading your website from beginning to end, then from end to beginning each day.  It also requires 3 hours time spent on contemplation of the different abilities frogs could have and their uses in everyday life and medicine.  Once my copy of the book arrives I will read it in place of the website.  I have already made a place for it in my nightstand in my bedroom.  It will be like how you used to find a bible in the nightstands at shady hotels you went to sleep with prostitutes.  Sleeping with them in the hotel was best as you avoid your spouse discovering the two of you and going into a murderous rampage strangling the prostitute to death.  That has only happened to me twice.  Don’t worry, I learned my lesson.

Email to David Thorne #4

Dear Day Day,

It’s me again!  How are things?  Me you ask?  Oh I am just fine.  Just got done with lunch and am starting to question whether the booze I snuck into work in my stomach was such a good idea.  I wish that I could have resisted but the Raspberry Long Island Iced Tea from Medici’s is to die for.  I know that sounds crazy…dying for a beverage…but I think there are far more foolish things to die for.  Things like true love, family, or STD’s from having unprotected sex with numerous partners.

Email to David Thorne #3

Hi Davy,

Attached please find Day 3 of the journeys of Lucius and the cat I drew as a substitution for late fees.  You will find them on what looks to be a very relaxing beachfront.  As I stated previously the cat I drew as a substitution for late fees is quite adventurous, this time taking to the water on it's favorite orange water-surfboard.  It threw up right after Lucius finished changing into his princess speedo but I don't know if it was from having just licked itself, how gorgeous Lucius was, or it's excitement of getting to spend so much time with Lucius.

Email to David Thorne #2

Hi Dave,

I still have yet to hear from you in regards to my first email.  But I will fret not.  I assume you are probably busy traveling through time or out purchasing a robot, monkey, or possibly even a robot monkey.

Email to David Thorne #1

Dear David,

I recently read your article about “Lifesize Lucius” and found it to be quite exquisite.  I know you may find this to display a lack of intellect on my part, but I love your work, you are a genius!  Anyway back to the reason I am emailing you.  I chose to attempt to take a path you did in the “Overdue Account” article (which is still in the works).  I offered a picture of a cat as payment for some late fees.  After cutting out my Lucius he very quickly became quite fond of the Cat I had drawn as payment for the late fees.  This is just a preliminary photo and I foresee the possibility that the two might have adventures together in the future.

TextBooksRUS.com Late Fees Refund Attempt

From: Cory Dawson

To: Textbooksrus.com
Subject: Late Fees
Date: Monday, May 16, 2011, 10:47 AM

Hello,

I am writing in regards to the late fees I was assessed on the two books I have rented from you.  I didn’t realize they were due back on 5/11/2011.  I actually still had classes until 5/12/2011 as that is when my finals ended.  I still needed my books until then to study for them.  I was wondering if there was any way the fees could be refunded.

Thanks

Cory

Why the Name?

Why name it Fuchsia Belt in Bitch-Slap?  WHY NOT!? Anyway seriously speaking.  The reason I chose it is because it is absolutely hilarious!  Especially when you know where it came from.  One of my former supervisors Aaron Wherlee (I don't know if I spelled it right) at GKC Parkway Cinemas said it to a coworker at the time.  The coworker's name was Drew.  Drew was way gay....as in haaay!  Despite it being obvious Drew would deny the fact, his #1 line being "As much as you wish...I'm not!".  Well one day Drew was being sassy and thought he would best Aaron by making some joke at Aaron's expense.  When he did so Aaron responded "Don't make me bust out my fuchsia belt in bitch-slap Drew". (He even included a lisp for good measure)  It was the funniest thing ever, and Drew merely shut his mouth and imagined what it would be like to be Hilary Duff in Cinderella Story. 

So there you have it.  Aaron I promise that if one day this blog ever brings me great fortune and success I will give you a cut.  Possibly.  Just kidding...but seriously.

Day 1

Hello,

I am starting a blog!  I foresee this blog becoming...well anything I want because I am it's Lord/Creator.  One of the first orders of business I think will be to soon compile and post my most recent and still ongoing attempt to reclaim late fees I was assessed by a book rental company.  Stay tuned!

Cory